The misty Heath (5)

She stepped into the room without hesitancy. Without indecision. Without compunction. Tall and elegant on her high heals. Her long hair resting on her slender shoulders. Her cashmere scarf. She looked so different. Last time Smiley saw her she was confused and fragile. Now she was composed and in control. She carefully folded the corner of his blanket and sat at the edge of Smiley's bed, resting her hand gently on his thigh. It has been a long time since a young woman did that. He was a young man then. Her touch awakening in him feelings he thought he would never again experience. "How are you, Uncle Max?" she said. "Do you want another pillow?" Her smile was warm and caring. Her Swiss (not French) accent only adding to her allure. Tatiana.

He was at her mercy. How the tables have turned. She was here for revenge and this time she would be serving it cold. No more a stranger unloading a bullet to the back of the head. She was toying with him. Her kind words disguising the cruelty of her intentions. Just like his did in Bern.

And still, his pulse was slow, his breathing deep. No sweaty palms. No dry mouth. His mind not racing to find an escape. For more than 60 years Smiley has lived under a cloud of uncertainty. Always knowing the unexpected is around the corner. He no longer remembered whether he chose it or whether he merely found himself in it - a life in the shadows, outside the accepted moral framework. A life in which one is never safe, in which scores are never settled. A life of constant tension, sometimes heightened but mostly subdued. A life without calm. And yet now, facing his demise, Smiley felt he was being overcome with serenity.

He did not feel angry. He did not feel defeated. He had no more questions. He was right; it was personal. He did not lose at his own game, to an adversary. He lost because it was personal, because he could never anticipate the workings of the heart. Ask Ann. He could rest, his professional esteem intact.

More than serene; Smiley was grateful. Unknowingly Tatiana has given his departure a purpose. He couldn't have planned it better. His timely death would give her the relief she deserved. No longer used to humiliate her father. No longer carrying the burden of his downfall on her slender shoulders. By extracting her revenge on Smiley she has set them both free.

PS 980km down. Only 20km to go!